Holiday Survival Kit
The season giving you headaches? Whether you’re unsure about gifts, guests or games, Critical Mass has the remedies and instant relief.
Want to see how we help you survive the non-holidays? Visit us at CriticalMass.com
Describe the lucky recipient in the fields below and find out just what gift our CuriousCM community suggests for them.
To regift or not – that is the question.
Actually, the answer is simple. If the original gift giver will ever find out that you’ve passed along the gift, then no. If the answer is no, they’ll never find out, then tie a shiny new ribbon on it and go for it guilt-free.
What are the best ways to fend off my family’s questions about my love life over the holidays?
Get a friend to give you a huge hickey before your family dinner. When someone asks you about dating, point at it and say, “Oh, I’m good.” Or start crying loudly. The trick is to make asking the question more painful for them than answering it is for you.
How do I tell my brisket-cooking grandma that now I only eat Tofurkey?
Sit her down, hold her hand, and confess to her that you ran over a housecat on the way to her place. After that, telling her that you’re a vegetarian will be easy.
Is there a way to tell if the mall Santa has been drinking?
Before your kids get on his lap, lean in close to him and sniff his breath. If he calls you crazy and pushes you away, he’s fine.
How can I tell my friends that I would prefer gift cards instead of presents that took thought and care?
Set your Facebook status to “Buy me a gift card or you’re defriended.” If you do this, trust us, what you get as a present will be the least of your worries.
I just got a new BF/GF. How often should I mention him/her during Hanukkah?
If you’ve gone more than 10 minutes without singing his/her praises to your distant relatives, you’re doing it wrong.
Is there really a Santa Claus?
Yes, VIRGINIA, there is a Santa Claus. He exists as certainly as love and generosity and devotion exist, and you know that they abound and give to your life its highest beauty and joy… he lives, and he lives forever.
Is cheating at Secret Santa okay?
Only if it means you’ll get a better present than you might otherwise.
I bought my bodacious babe a snowboard. How do I wrap it without making it so obvious?
You could cut it into pieces and put them in a nice gift bag. Or, even easier, take a picture of it and wrap that! Either way.
I’m kosher and spending the holidays with my Christian partner’s family. Is it fair to expect them to alter their food for me?
Request that they withhold the bacon from the stuffing, carrots, brussel sprouts and gravy, and they should politely acquiesce. However, you can pry the shrimp ring appetizer from their cold, dead hands. Some things are sacred.
I’m Hindu. How many times do I have to explain Diwali to people before I’m allowed to snap?
Send out a mass email to your office wishing everyone a Happy Diwali and explaining the history and cultural traditions of the event. Then if anyone asks, refer them to the email, or karate chop them in the throat. You can always claim it’s a Diwali tradition, as they obviously didn’t read the email.
When should I take the Christmas tree down?
While most people take their tree down immediately after New Year’s, tradition dictates it should stay up for 12 days after Christmas. However, if the needles are dry, you may want to take it down ASAP as a fire precaution.
How do I make my Christmas cactus bloom for Christmas?
Stop watering it at the beginning of October for 6 to 8 weeks. Then, give it a good soaking. With a little luck, you should have a beautiful blooming cactus on display for your friends and family to admire.
Paper card or ecard?
Yeah, yeah, we know - ecards are so much easier (and they’re usually free)! But nothing says “I actually give a crap” like something handwritten and mailed. Grandma doesn’t want your lolcat ecard.
